It's been over a year, dear reader, and honestly I didn't expect to be back here. But here I am. I need someone to talk to, I think. Anyway, the most recent thing to happen to me was that I met a girl. A smart, pretty girl who is into many of the same things I am into (only I guess, sort of, forgot) she writes prose and poetry, she's into western graphic novels, video games and she paints (I don't paint, but I find the pursuit delightful.) We've both been through depression, though it would seem in somewhat different ways. I guess I took things too slow- I always had a problem interpreting signals. And now, despite the magical evening we had (actually, that I had, I can only assume for her, and perhaps she didn't) she decided to go with another candidate. Someone she'd fucked (her words.) I understand that she was in a dry spell, but all she had to do was ask (of course maybe she did, in some arcane way neurotypicals communicate, and I missed it, more fool me.) So now I am miserable- I haven't had a crush like this since school and it's really hurts.
My first instinct is to stalk (though, thankfully, I don't have the energy to really go at it.) My second thought (one can hardly call this an instinct) is that stalking has never done anyone any good, and I should just put her out of my mind- if there is one thing I am good at it is forgetting. Mom (I told you I needed to talk to someone) says I should continue low-key communication and see if she continues to respond. I am torn between thinking that is idiotic (who would go out with a stalky loser, after explicitly telling him he was passed over for a good lay?) and knowing that I have infinitesimal experience in this area and should listen to someone who knows how smart girls think.
P.S. It hurts so much, it's almost funny- I'm over 30 now, this shit should have gone away with the teenage hormones.
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